How did you feel when you found out later in life that you were given away as an infant to someone else to care for you instead of living and growing up with your parents? You realize that your parents still have your other siblings that you just found out you have. You seem to feel out of place, not loved or valued.
You would feel sad wouldn't you, yet were glad to find your family; you are grateful and appreciative for having a chance at life because your parents could have aborted you for whatever reason or situation that they were facing at that critical moment in time. They gave you away instead of aborting. The family that cared for you was a blessing to you as well.
Time has passed. Now you are an adult, having a wife, a few children of your own, and you did not give your children away like your parents did to you. Yet the emotional scars, the painful memory, the haunted past are returning to cause trouble in your mind and in your heart.
This sadness and anger pushed you back into the past to deal with the feelings that you may have buried deep for so long. Suicidal thoughts may have come also when you were not thinking clearly. When you let your feelings clouded your reason. Your faith in God is tested. Does God make junk? Does God know why I was given away?
How have I to forgive my mother and father? How can I find out why they gave me away? Does it really matter if I know why? Why couldn't they keep me? Didn't they want me? Didn't they love me? Why did my mother not give me a straight answer as to why she gave me away? How come there are so much anger in me now when I think about this you may have asked. Am I blaming them for my misery now? My dad was no longer around. He was dead. Your mind is looking for an answer. Will you ever find one?
When you were not thinking right, you had allowed drugs, cocaine, alcohol and sex to ruin your life. Your relationship with your spouse is now estranged. AA and NA helped a little, but the root cause is still there. Prescription drugs have their limits.
You go to church. You pray but God seemed far away. You run further away from yourself, from God, from life. You are not happy, and you couldn't take it any more. The pain has to end. What do you do? What do you want God to do for you? You are crying out for help. God hears you and your cry has reached Him.
To have a new beginning, talking to someone to get help is a start. Forgiveness is the key. Trusting in God, your Creator, who knows what is best is important. He has a plan for your life. Blessing your mom instead of cursing her is the right thing to do because when you honor your parents you shall have God's blessings, longevity and more. Confessing your sins and repenting are the appropriate actions. Accepting that you cannot change the past and finding way to live at peace with your mom and with your own family are the right steps to take. Breaking the curse over your life is critical as well. Loving your children and family are a must. Whatever it is do not let the past run your life any more. Trust God, your heavenly Father, who loves you. Move forward and allow your heart to heal. You still have your full life ahead of you.
May God guide you as you take the right steps toward healing and wholeness. God is waiting for you to come to Him for help any time.
Pastor Linh
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